The Beginning

 On August 14, 2024, my life changed forever. Something that I thought would never happen to me, did.

I received a diagnosis of breast cancer. Invasive carcinoma with mixed ductal and lobular features. That just means that the cancer has moved out of where it originally began and is currently affecting both milk ducts and lobes. So far at least, it does not appear to have impacted lymph nodes, which is a huge positive.

August and I aren't friends anymore. My birthday is in August and it has always been my favorite month of the year. This year, that may well have changed forever. August has not been kind to me this year, in so many ways. 

My husband and I took a road trip from Michigan out west and down south in July. The same day we saw Mount Rushmore, I noticed an odd lump in my left breast. It didn't hurt but it was quite big and something that I then kept on the periphery of my mind the rest of our trip. Fortunately, I was already scheduled for my yearly mammogram on August 1 and was hoping it was just a weird fluke.

At the August 1st appointment, I mentioned the spot to the technician and she put a small tag on the outside of my breast so that it would automatically be flagged when the radiologist read the scans. She reassured me that I would get a follow up because it was an area of concern for me and they wanted to be sure to check it out.

Sure enough, the following Monday, on August 5, I got a call to schedule the follow up appointment. We scheduled it for August 8. Well August 8 turned out to be a terribly stressful day. On my way to the hospital to have the follow up scan done, I was rear ended in my car and while I wasn't physically hurt, my car was. It also made me late for my appointment (the accident happened at the intersection of the hospital). Not only was I incredibly upset and shaken from the accident but my awesome car was totally messed up. I forgot to change my prescription sunglasses back to my regular glasses so I was walking around the hospital like I thought I was Corey Hart or something. 

When I finally got into the appointment, they did another mammogram scan and then took me back for an ultrasound. I knew as soon as the technician told me that I needed the ultrasound, it wasn't looking good. The first technician had told me on the 1st that if it was just a clogged duct or whatever, they wouldn't need to do the ultrasound. So when they said I needed it, I started fearing the worst. 

The ultrasound tech was really awesome and put me at ease. But I knew something wasn't right. She left me and came back with the doctor who did another scan and took some photos and then they told me that I would need a biopsy. It was not looking good. My emotions took over and I had to hold back tears while still in there (so the dark room and the sunglasses helped hide that at least).

I got dressed and left, walking out to my broken car in a total daze. I was fearing the worst and was totally upset about my poor car. (Yes, I am obsessed with that car. She was awesome.) I text my husband and oldest daughter that it wasn't looking good and I cried on my way home. 

The next day, August 9,  I got a call letting me know that they could get me in for a biopsy the following day, Saturday the 10th. It happened to be my 46th birthday. While no one wants to do something like that on their birthday, I also just wanted to get it done. So we scheduled it and thankfully I could bring my husband that time. 

The procedure itself wasn't horrible. I mean, I shouldn't have felt anything and I did feel like, plus its a loud popping sound so it will make you jump even when you're prepared for it. But the nurse and doctor who did the procedure were amazing. They were so kind and caring and supportive. 

Once we left there, it was a big waiting game. Unfortunately my car ended up being totaled which made me more upset than the possibility of a cancerous mass (see what I mean? I LOVED that car). The only upside of that whole debacle was finding out my insurance was paying out way more than I was expecting for the car and being able to distract myself from waiting for the pathology result by going car shopping. 

The longer we waited, as the days dragged on to more days, I just had a feeling it was not going to be good. I also saw the photos from the ultrasound and while I'm not a medical professional, I know what my mammograms have looked like in the past and what I saw in those photos was not normal. 

Sure enough, at 10:27 am on Wednesday, August 14, my worst fears were confirmed. Cancer. 

I spent a lot of time on the phone that day with nurses, family, my boss and the cancer center to try to make sense of what was going to happen next and processing everything that had already happened.

I will see my entire team of doctors (breast surgeon, oncologists, radiologists, etc) on Thursday, August 22nd. It will be a whole day affair. Basically they told me to clear my schedule until at least 5 pm. It will be appointment after appointment with each specialist and then by the end of the day, we will have a plan of action and steps for going forward. 

I decided to name this blog The Dumpster Fire because one could argue the entire 7 days from the second test to the diagnosis was one stinking dumpster fire after another. But also because I am a controlling person (trauma) and this is something over which I have little to no control - so it will likely often feel like a dumpster fire. 

Raye