Today was my first chemotherapy infusion. I saw my therapist (virtually) yesterday and as we were wrapping up, she said “how is your anxiety about tomorrow?”
My honest answer was that I didn’t have any. Which is yet another point in the column for why changing my medication to Lexapro in June was wise. Who knows how I’d be handling this barrage of appointments, news and whatnot on Celexa?
Side note in case you don’t know me personally or didn’t hear about this when it happened. I was on Celexa on and off for 14 years to help control my anxiety and depression. We upped it during the school year last year because I was really feeling stressed. Well the crap hit the fan on May 31 when that medication made me go down a suicidal spiral I have never experienced before. I scared the shit out of my kids and husband and spent a night in the hospital in the Empath unit where they could keep an eye on me and make sure I wasn’t actually suicidal. The doctor on call changed my medication that very night to Lexapro and I’ve never felt better. Seriously within like a week, I felt like a million dollars. As quickly as Celexa made me spiral that day (for real I was eating chocolate and watching a knitting podcast, nothing stressful at all happening and suddenly I just wanted to be dead), I’m glad I’m no longer on it because it’s hard to tell how I would have handled this journey so far being on that instead of Lexapro.
Back to the point here. I legit had ZERO anxiety about the infusion appointment because while I didn’t know what to expect (everyone’s experience is different so while some parts of the process are similar, I’ve already learned not to take it from what others have said). I figured I’d probably be more anxious before the SECOND infusion because then I’d know what to expect.
We had to be there at 9 am for labs. They are very good at keeping to their time frames so I was in and out of the lab part in under 5 minutes. The lab techs are great. They just think I’m the best. I go in with a positive attitude and gratitude that I’m still alive so maybe that’s what it is. I just exude happiness or something. I dunno, but every single tech I’ve worked with there now has a term of endearment for me so I’m clearly making some kind of impression. 🤷🏼♀️
After the labs, the nurse called me back and because it was early in the day we got to choose the chair we wanted. I have to admit that it does not look anything like it does on TV. Jeff has watched Breaking Bad at least 6 times through and they show Walt sitting in a long, dark row of sad people getting their treatments. It’s not like that at my cancer center (thank goodness!).
It’s sort of like being in a cubicle but the walls aren’t very high. Each station has the chair for the patient with the IV pole nearby plus another chair for the guest. There is a bench type seat, a TV and a portable little table. I even snapped a photo and sent it to Emily, my daughter who will be joining me at my chemo appointments going forward. When I sent it to her, I said it’s even set up for her to work remotely from there.
The nurse I worked with today was great. Super helpful and nice. She went over everything, explained how they have to wait in my last lab so the pharmacy could clear the medication and then they could begin.
I worked on my Musselburgh hat while we were there. Everyone, even other patients, were watching me knit. So that was funny. A couple of the other nurses even stopped by to talk about my knitting.
I got a steroid and something else first, I just can’t remember what that other thing is. My nurse navigator came and said the steroids often make you feel really good for about 24 hours or so and then wear off. So she warned me to really be mindful tomorrow afternoon because that could be when symptoms flair.
The nurse came back in a hazmat suit to give me the Red Devil (the combination of A/C). It’s a little disconcerting to see them wearing the protective gear to protect themselves from what they are about to inject into you. 😳 It was pretty simple. She had another nurse verify the information with her and then she sat beside me and slowly put the viles in.
Once those were in, she hooked up the last bag of medicine and said it would take about an hour for that.
Mostly I people watched, watched dumb TV with Jeff and knitted while we were there. At one point, Jeff did get me the protein box from the cafe that I like so much (it has cheese, meat and nuts) so I munched on that for the last couple hours we were there and dutifully drank down my water.
Just after 1 pm, just over 4 hours after we arrived, she gave me the schedule for the rest of my infusions through December and we were on our way home.
After all of the water I had while we were there, I did have to stop and use the bathroom before we left and I’m definitely radioactive ☢️. My pee is red. Weird as hell to see but also kind of cool how quickly it goes through you.
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