I feel like I'm in that weird limbo space right now. Our lives have been such a flurry of activity since mid-August when I got my diagnosis that having multiple days in a row without appointments and things to do suddenly feels so weird.
Plus, let's just be real...I haven't had down time like this in over 20 years. When Jeff and I got married, I went right back to school to get my teaching degree. I took the summer off after earning my provisional license and went right back for a master's. After the master's came National Board and after that came the doctorate. Once all of that was done, there was earning my administrative license and working on maintenance of certification for National Board.
Alongside all of the above, I was teaching full time and raising my kids, one of whom was diagnosed with dyslexia and autism in elementary school which led to needing to advocate for her needs with a school staff that just didn't get it.
Long story short - I'm not very good at sitting still.
And recently, I have had a LOT of time to do just that. It's weird and I'm finding I simultaneously love it and hate it.
Jeff went back to work on October 2nd, the day after my first chemo appointment. And our girls who still live at home have their own work and school schedules. So it's not out of normal for me to have multiple hours to myself during the day. Sometimes it gets to be 2:30 pm (around the time when one daughter goes to work) and I realize I haven't done a single productive thing that day.
I still get tired quickly at times so I do have to pace myself. I might be able to fold a couple of baskets of laundry and fill the dishwasher but then I'm tired and need to rest for a bit.
The two days immediately after my first chemo I felt great. No big issues or changes. But by Friday, I was super wiped. Saturday was similar to Friday and Sunday I was just plain useless. Everything made me so, so sleepy.
And now we're coming up on infusion 2, which will occur on Tuesday and I feel like the effects are going to be similar. I'll probably be fine the day of and day after and then it'll slowly creep up on me, that need to just sleep it all away.
Which I will allow myself to do, I'm not a dummy. It's just WEIRD. When you've dedicated yourself to education and learning and growing, it doesn't leave a lot of time to just be. And now I'm getting to catch up on all of that time I didn't dedicate to myself for the last 25 years.
I just hope that the second infusion is as big of a non-deal as the first one was. I don't mean to minimize it for people who hate having it done. I don't enjoy it; I just don't think it's a big deal. The port helps with that. They gave me some numbing cream to use a half hour before my appointment so by the time she did the poke I was like "what poke?" and then it was just sitting there knitting to my heart's content and talking to Jeff while watching stupid TV. Not a big deal.
But the aftermath isn't very fun. I'm surprised what little hair I have hasn't fallen out. I suspect that after this second infusion, I will wake up to find what little hair I do have is on my pillow and lost to me.
I appreciate everyone who has checked in and asked me how I'm doing. This week has been very easy because I only had to take Bree to the doctor and give a urine sample because it appears I may have begun to develop a UTI. Otherwise, I was free to do whatever I wanted.
I need to find some motivation to clean and organize my upstairs craft space/office. Or better yet all of the teaching stuff I have in the barn in the back. Alas, I will take this free time, as weird as it is, and knit, crochet, read and rest. And wait for the storm because I'm sure it's coming.
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