Happy New Year! It's hard to believe the calendar has switched over to 2025. Where in the world did 2024 go? I feel like I blinked and it was gone but simultaneously the last few months of 2024 felt like years.
I, for one, am always grateful to turn the calendar on a new year. I'm not a huge fan of the New Year, New Me business because it seems insincere and too "fad-ish" for me. Alas, I do enjoy the prospect of a new story to unfold over 365 days and making the most of every single day.
On New Year's Eve, I had my 6th taxol treatment. That means we are officially on the downswing! There are six treatments left in this part of my journey. I'm nearly there. Something that felt insurmountable at one moment is now just a blip on the radar of my life. At least that is how I am choosing to look at it.
That morning, knowing my daughter Emily didn't have to work remotely that day, I came up to my office/craft area to get something to work on while at the cancer center with her before the medication put me to sleep. When I got up there, I saw a cowl I had finished in September just hanging out on my blanket ladder and I knew immediately that I needed to give it to Stacy, my oncology nurse. I hadn't seen her on Christmas Eve because she was on vacation with her family. I quickly found some wrapping paper and a tag and wrapped it up for her and off we went.
Her gratitude when I gave it to her made my whole heart fill with joy. She was nearly in tears when she realized it was something I had made and decided to give to her. To be honest, I finished it before I had ever even met her, but it had no intended recipient at the time. I just liked the pattern and the yarn and wanted to make it. This is what crafting does for my soul; I don't create with any specific goal in mind sometimes. Sure, there are times I will purposely make a pair of socks for Jeff or Jill or myself but often times I just knit or crochet something that speaks to my heart. And I figure, I'll know when the time comes along to gift it to someone. And that's what happened with that cowl.
I asked her if we could take a picture so I could share on social media as my socials are private but I still think it's important to ask permission before you blast someone else out there. She was only too happy to oblige. And when I look at that photo of us, you can see her joy radiating off of her face. And she's next to me with joy radiating off of my face because of her joy. It's quite magical, I think.
A friend of mine commented on that photo and said she loved that even during a stormy season in my life, I seek to bless others. I hadn't really thought about it that way and I certainly didn't post that photo so everyone would think "wow you're so awesome, Raye!" but to know that someone else saw that photo and found blessings in it made me really happy.
And that leads us to the new beginnings. I am not a New Year's Resolution kind of girl. I feel the same way about it as I feel about the whole New Year, New Me thing. It's too contrived. I am, however, a huge fan of setting intentions and working to live by those intentions. So that's what I've done this year. I've done it in the past at varying times in my life and it has always served me quite well.
I bought a planner on Amazon that has a monthly calendar spread, a weekly section and a daily section. I knew damn well I would likely never use that daily section for actual planning. I mean, I'm not that busy! So I had to think of a way to use those pages and I decided to use them as my daily intentions log.
Earlier in my cancer journey I was fortunate to receive two cancer boxes that included things to support me on this journey. Things like cancer fighting cookbooks, cozy socks, make up products, etc. One of the boxes included a book called "Well Rested Every Day." The care package I got from the women's center at my cancer clinic also included a Devotional. So I split these daily pages into parts: one for the Well Rested Book, one for the Devotional and another for the Daily Trip which is a meditation from the Calm app.
Years ago when I did something similar to this, I was really hard on myself about it. I needed to do these devotions and meditations first thing in the morning. The me of today realizes how that practice was putting a box around something that is supposed to be uplifting and freeing. In that vain, the me of today does the practice whenever I have time for it in my day. I still do it daily but it might be well into the afternoon before I get to it and that's fine. (For example, it's highly unlikely I will get it done before my treatment tomorrow unless I wake up SUPER early and thus I can do it when I get home and that's totally fine and acceptable. I'm still engaging in the practice of it, I'm just not being rigid about when it gets done. That, in and of itself, is a huge growth area for me.)
I am finding such peace and pleasure in this practice. I got out my washi tapes and decorate the pages to cover up the writing that is already there and designate the different areas of the journaling. I have an Affirmation (that I get from an app called "Motivation"), and then the three spots for the above mentioned areas of self care.
Interestingly, when I first used Calm way back in like...2017, I found peace and comfort in Tamara, the voice of Calm. Over the years they have added different meditations and sleep stories and whatnot and I have found I am more drawn to the Daily Trip than the Daily Calm. The narrator of the Daily Trip is named Jeff and I just find his voice to be so soothing. And he's so real.
It's January 6 today and I have completed this practice daily since January 1, so nearly a full week so far. And I'm finding such peace and love from this practice. Especially since today's Daily Trip was about self compassion. Jeff talks about how we care for who we are by caring for who we've been. During one part of the practice, he has us imagine ourselves as a toddler, and then as a teenager and providing some love back to that person we used to be. Since my teenage years were nothing to brag about, I found this to be soothing and comforting.
Yes, I've been through it in my life. More than my fair share in a lot of ways. But I've also learned from each of the challenges that have been thrown at me. I'm stronger and better because I've faced those things and not let them get me down.
If I had a nickel for every time someone commented on how positive I have been in this journey, I'd never have to work again. Ever. I have had my moments of course, where I am not positive, but that's the process, isn't it? You have to let yourself feel the emotions, the grief, the "why me??" But then you let that go. You move on. You deal with it. You handle your business because giving up is absolutely not an option.
But truly, this practice has really helped me solidify my view of myself. I have had disappointments in my life and I will have more. But I'm also alive. I have a wonderful husband, three pretty awesome daughters and three grandsons who give me joy every day. Despite my trials, I am blessed. And I will continue to seek to bless others because it's the only way for me to be. To find purpose and care in caring for myself but also for others.
That's the energy I brought into 2025 and will continue to bring into 2025.
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